Le Sabot Post-Moderne

So true, so true. On a related note, there are also those Christians who say all manner of loopy things to other people, but they speak it in the obscurities of the dialect we might call "Christianese." (Is there purgatory for these, I wonder?)

You know, if I were wittier, I'd write up a satirical "Devil's Dictionary of Christianese-to-English," with such entries as:

~"Bro, it would really bless me if you..." = "Do some work for me, but don't expect me to actually pay you."

~"The Lord's really laid it on my heart to..." = "I want to snoop into your private life, so let me ask some intrusive questions."

Mad Minerva-

How about this favorite from my Pentecostal days:

"I don't feel led to do X" = I can't be bothered to do X.

And then there's, "This is a ministry." Translation: don't expect decent service if you're a client, or decent pay if you're an employee.

"I'll have to pray about that" = Hell will freeze first.

Haven't you ever heard of how we do it in the south? You can say anything you like as long as you end it with "...bless his/her heart."

For example, "Earline's chicken pie was as tough as a boot, Bless her heart." or "Hazel's son is a shiffless, no good skunk, Bless his heart."

This is very closely related to the But Apology. You know what I'm talking about. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me angry."

These are all examples of immaturity in Christians. It's difficult to be grown up enough to hold your tongue and/or own up to your own behavior.

Dear Discoshaman, I feel *led* to tell you that you're absolutely right! ;)

I get the "God's leading me" line from charismatic friends all the time.

Or, one of my faves, the "in love" line.

"I think you're totally sinning your brains out, but I'm just telling you in love, brother/sister."

Translation: Let me ladle a pile of judgment and condemnation on you without trying to help you.

"I have concerns about the ministry..." = there's something you don't LIKE. So why not just say that? Have the spine to say, "I don't like the music we've played the last few Sundays," or "I didn't like the point the pastor made in the sermon yesterday," or "I don't like it that the youth group is selling lightbulbs to raise money for summer camp." Wasn't that easy? No we know where you stand.

Saying you have "concerns" is a passive-agressive way to say that you don't like it, while retaining the fictional moral high ground. You're objections are personal, no you are "concerned" for others if we sing that song, make that point, sell those lightbulbs. And if someone doesn't "act on your concerns" then they aren't disagreeing with you, they're not motivated by love for others like you are, or aren't as discerning as you are of the harmful effects of whatever you're pissed off about.

Incidentally, Disco, to tie a couple of your threads together, all of this passive agressive church mumbo-jumbo had me so depressed for years that I had to pop anti-depressents like breath candy just to go to church and deal with it all. And I was a solidly Reformed pastor in a solidly Reformed denomination, so it wasn't worldview. Most of the pastors I knew/know privately suffer/ed from mild to severe clinical depression as a result of all the b.s. they had to endure.

God is good, but churches are harsh places.

Reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw. It read "Dear God, save me from your followers."

Sometimes I think I converted to Christianity not because of Christians, but in spite of them!

Great post Disco!

Just to cement my role as the unsmiling drudge :-), though: I know Christians and church-life can be a pain. But I still contend that, on the whole, Christians are the finest people I've ever known. One friend of ours heard someone say "Some of the worst people I know are Christians". He countered with "True, but some of the best and most wonderful people I know are Christians."

I echo that sentiment.

Doesn't mean we shouldn't learn to avoid the B.S-ishness endemic in our casual church-talk.

(being from the south, I loved the "bless his/her heart" one :-)

[sheepishly] Dang. I'm from Texas, and I do the "Bless his heart" thang.

I don't mean to slam ALL churchgoers. Some of the best people I know are Christians. I *do* mean to target the Christian subculture and the "Christianese" lingo that all too often (a) aienates non-believers, and (b) serves to mask selfishness and/or B.S. with a fake covering of pseudo-holiness. Hey, I'd just prefer that people let their yes be yes and their no be no...Heck, that even sounds kinda biblical! ;)