Everyone knows that all the best gunmen have three names -- John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wilkes Booth. I'll bet the guy who shot Bobby actually had a third Sirhan lurking in there somewhere, but people thought it was too much of a good thing.
So anyway, I think there's a similar rule in music -- the "Insufferable One Name Rule". It refers to singers whose music ranks up there with red-hot knitting needles in my ears.
Nearly all of them have only one name: Sting, Hootie, Sade, Madonna, Prince, Pink, Beyonce, Cher, Moby, Eminem and Bono. Giving my wife How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb today was an act of love. And yes, Britney and Yoko get included -- their last names are totally optional.
Really, almost any singer worth listening to has two names, like a decent person. Nina Simone. Peter Murphy. Johnny Cash. Dean Martin. Elvis Costello. Jello Biafra. Think about it.
Posted by Discoshaman at janvier 5, 2005 12:45 AM | TrackBack
OTOH, what about Barry Manilow, Jessica Simpson and Sinead O'Connor? How does your theory explain them?
Posted by: Eric at janvier 5, 2005 02:34 AMFlukes. And I'm sticking to that answer.
Posted by: Discoshaman at janvier 5, 2005 02:49 AMBesides, I never said all two name singers are good. I just said the good ones have two names. Don't make me call up the fiskers from the Raimondo thread. . . :-P
Good to see you, btw! How's Texas?
Posted by: Discoshaman at janvier 5, 2005 02:52 AMPeter Murphy...cool! But Jello Biafra? Ain't that kind of like holding your hand over the fire ala G. Gordon Liddy to hear that Chomskyite. Granted, Holiday In Cambodia is one of the best of the '70's.
Posted by: Brian Greenwell at janvier 5, 2005 03:23 AMBrian-
And. . . California Uber Alles? I actually almost put Holiday in Cambodia on my "What I'm listening to" post the other day, but thought people might think it was supposed to be a sick joke, with the Tsunami and everything. Kill the Poor, Buzzbomb and I Fought the Law are all pretty decent songs, too. . .
I've got Iggy Pop's "Gimme Danger" playing right now.
So you like Peter Murphy, or Bauhaus?
Posted by: Discoshaman at janvier 5, 2005 03:41 AMYa, it's one of the drawbacks to DK/Jello Brian, but they're still definitely worth listening to.
Actually one of my best Jello moments was seeing a spoken word show of his back in college. Not that the content was all that exciting--the guy recycles stuff, very old stuff--but he chewed out some anarchist hippies/trustafarians (didn't see enough of them to figure them out) for deciding that Jello's politics entitled them to a free show.
As for the Insufferable One Name Rule, I can't help but be reminded of an old Beavis and Butthead featuring a James video (this episode guide informs me that the episode was "Crisis Line," where my innocent ears first heard Danzig). Granted, that's a band and not a person, but still, they said that James only has one name because his parents were so ashamed of how bad he is that they wouldn't let him use their last name.
Posted by: Nathan at janvier 5, 2005 03:46 AMNathan-
Very cool. I still love that he ran for mayor of San Fran pledging to hire panhandlers at 50% commission, I think as a way to balance the city budget. . .
Posted by: Discoshaman at janvier 5, 2005 03:54 AMI like both Bauhaus and Murphy's solo work, the Deep album in particular.
Posted by: Brian Greenwell at janvier 5, 2005 04:43 AMActually, Sirhan did not have a third Sirhan lurking in there, but he does have three names (may they be blotted out): Sirhan Bishara Sirhan. So hes does fir your 3-name rule.
Never forget that Bobby Kennedy was murdered by a self-conscious agent of Islamist jihad.
A curdmudgeonly wag (I'm too lazy right now to research this properly, but it might have been either H.L. Mencken or Edmund Wilson [I favor the former]) wrote about female poets with 3 names -- thinking of Edna St.Vincent Millay, no doubt, but there is also Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
By the way, thanks for your informative, heartfelt, beautiful weblog. It is quite an inspiration. I've been listening to Razom Nas Bagato on a continuous loop for days, chanting along, and I don't even know any Ukrainian.
Posted by: Alvar NC de Vaca at janvier 5, 2005 05:04 AMHey! Sting supported the Orange revolution! (As did the two-name Joe Cocker.)
Don't you think Sting's album _Dream of the Blue Turtles_ was pretty good?
"If I built this fortress around your heart..."
"Children's Crusade"
and the great cold-war classic "I hope the Russians love their children too"
just mho
Posted by: Joe St at janvier 5, 2005 05:16 AMMy favorite off that one was We Work The Black Seam...
Posted by: Brian Greenwell at janvier 5, 2005 05:46 AMI was going to mention Ray Wiley Hubbard, but I guess he never killed anybody. Not that we know of, anyway.
Texas is muy bien, btw. 70° on 3 Jan ain't too shabby, but I suspect we'll pay for it later. Ya'll need to take a break and come eat some fajitas and puerco de asado in Midland.
Posted by: Eric at janvier 5, 2005 06:12 AMYou forgot Mark David Chapman, the three named assasin of John Lennon.
Posted by: kathryn at janvier 5, 2005 07:06 AM"Ya'll need to take a break and come eat some fajitas and puerco de asado in Midland."
Is that an invitation? Let's set a date for sometime this summer. *grin*
There are days here when I'm absolutely jonesing for Tex-Mex. I can do an okay UkrTexMex fusion, but it's not the real thing.
Posted by: The Duchess at janvier 5, 2005 12:01 PMOn second thought. I don't think I'd grant John Wayne Gacy the cognomen of a great gunman. Not at all.
But we're forgetting John Wesley Hardin.
On the other hand, what about Frank James, Jesse James, and Cole Younger?
You might add Wild Bill Hickock, if the nickname counts. Or "Pretty Boy" Floyd and "Machine Gun" Kelly.
Alvar
Posted by: Alvar NC de Vaca at janvier 5, 2005 01:29 PMA corollary to the "3-Name Gunman Rule" is the "Middle Name Wayne Maxim," which applies to cold-blooded killers (whatever their means of homicidal act). See http://www.newsoftheweird.com/backstage/back010604.html.
Great blog, by the way. I read it daily....
Posted by: John K. at janvier 5, 2005 05:46 PMAlvar-
Gunman, not "gunslinger". . . :-) As in "lone gunman."
Posted by: Discoshaman at janvier 5, 2005 07:54 PMAs a criminal defense attorney, this thread has really intrigued me. I just want to add how interesting it is when I see people in court with predictable names. (Last names changed to protect the guilty--and I'm not making these names up, they have been on the docket in criminal court at some point.) Charged with possession of marijuana=Mary Jane Doe. Charged with illegal use of a firearm= Jesse James Doe. Charged with environmental crimes=Forrest Skye Doe. Charged with Hunting crimes=Fawn Meadow Doe (the "Doe" wasn't meant as a pun--I may have been mistaken about the "Meadow", rusty memory).
The "Wayne" thing works--I see it in court a lot. There was a study done once about the names of defendants/criminals (note: I DO make the distinction) and the predictability or likelihood of a name being a predictor of a propensity for criminal activity (or being named as a defendant in a criminal case . . . . Allegedly, that is.) I may be wrong, but I think Wayne was the most common middle name for defendants.
I want to ask, Disco, how does Ruslana fit into your theory?
Posted by: Marty in Oregon at janvier 5, 2005 09:05 PMThat's why John Wayne Gacy doesn't belong on your list. He was a pedophile, a rapist, and a strangler, not a gunman.
Posted by: Alvar NC de Vaca at janvier 5, 2005 09:51 PMBack to the music part of your post....
I have to admit that I've gotten into Bono & U2 with the latest release, so I went searching for artists that foil your submission:
What about: Eminem, Avril (Lavigne optional), Alanis (Morissette optional), early Madonna (not her newer stuff, because most of it just grates on even her biggest fan's nerves), and The Beatles. I know the Beatles are a band, and they have "The" infront, but if Webster's won't alphbetize by it, I don't count it as a word. Each of their music is right on with their time's culture and isn't afraid to make people think and question beyond the socially accepted norm. For that reason, I'll look past the few bad songs (or just focus on the few good ones) and vote that taking on a single name doesn't make you an automatic outcast.
On the other side of the coin, Nelly & Snoop (Dogg optional) both fit the bill of single-named artists that should have their mics permanately muted.
- mark
I noticed that Bono has an essay on the Psalms in the latest issue of Modern Reformation.
Posted by: Sciolist at janvier 6, 2005 12:29 AMAvril falls into the category of one named people not worth listening to, in my book. Same thing with Alanis--her sound reminds me of a dying cow or something. Basically, any single name Canadians aren't worth listening to--that goes for Shania (last name optional) Twain too.
Posted by: kathryn at janvier 6, 2005 06:26 AMMarty-
That's one of the more fascinating things I've heard in awhile. I guess naming your child "John Wayne" Something does say something about you. Though I'd think wold bring out equestrian tendencies in the kids, not criminal ones.
Alvar-
"That's why John Wayne Gacy doesn't belong on your list. He was a pedophile, a rapist, and a strangler, not a gunman."
That's so discouraging to hear. Just when you think you know a person. . .
Mark-
Sorry, I'll give you Beatles as a collective noun but not as a name. As for the rest:
- Who Madonna is speaks so loudly I could never hear what she was singing.
- Avril. Even if I had ever heard her music, you would never get me to admit it in a public forum like this.
- Alanis -- One good song doesn't get her off the red-hot needle list. Besides, in 15 minutes she went from the Tiffany of Canada to angry riot grrrl. Isn't it ironic, don'tcha think?
- Eminem? He has a facility with words, I'll admit. He even rhymed anthrax with tampax. Then he talked about giving it to a girl who was bothering him and I realized just how cretinous he really is. He's graduated beyond knitting needles to the "meat thermometer in the eyes" level.
Nelly, Dre, Snoop and Usher are all more evidence for my theory. It's moving beyond theory into one of those Laws of Nature things.
Kathryn-
Good call on Shania!
Sciolist-
I know a lot of Reformed people are enamored with him these days. I respect him a lot for his work on AIDS in Africa. But I want to read that article before forming any opinion on his theology. His music is still lame though. :-)
Posted by: Discoshaman at janvier 6, 2005 06:28 AM"That's so discouraging to hear. Just when you think you know a person. . ."
Thanks, Disco. It's guys like JWG who would give your basic gunmen a bad name.
I wonder if any gunmen other than Mr. Hardin were named after proiminent evangelists?
Posted by: Alvar NC ded Vaca at janvier 6, 2005 07:16 PMFirst of all, great blog and a great adventure you are living and living through in Ukraine. Engaging faith in the world, rather than trying to force the world to engage in our faith, and all that. I'm hooked and this is now a part of my regular blogoscanning.
RE: Bono and his politics. As someone who went to a prominent Reformed grad school, you're spot on that Reformed folk are currently ga-ga about Bono's politics. Personally, I think you have it backward: his music is better than his politics. This current album is an interesting integration of pop-rock and minimalist Christian imagery. His notions about how to fix deep structural and cultural problems in Africa is winsome but not well-thought-through.
Posted by: Greg at janvier 7, 2005 01:53 AMDisco,
Another example of the three name gunmen rule is James Earl Ray, the assasain of Martin Luther King.
Alvar,
I believe you are wrong in describing Sirhan as an agent of Islamic Jihad. If I recall correctly he was a Christian Arab and a Palestinian Nationalist. I aplogize if I am wrong in this.
Elvis (Presley optional) clearly blows a hole in your first theory. As for the second, Mahmed Ali Agca, the would-be assassin of the Pope, militates for it, although Squeaky Fromme, would-be assassin of Gerald Ford, militates against it (although perhaps she doesn't count since the gun wasn't loaded?).
Dear David All,
I respectfully suggest that you do some more research on Sirhan Bishara Sirhan and then get back to us.
Not only was Sirhan a self-conscious agent of Islamic jihad, his release was one of the "conditions" set by Yasser Arafat in 1973 (and rejected by President Nixon) during the "negotiations" over the "Black September" kidnapping and Arafat-ordered murder of American Ambassador Cleo Noel (R.I.P.) and Charge d'Affaires C. Curtis Moore, and Belgium's Charge d'Affaires Guy Eid. The Palestinian jihadist leaders certainly recognized him as one of their own.
Posted by: Alvar NC de Vaca at janvier 7, 2005 01:14 PM